【赛斯如是说】爱与恨

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不加干预的话，恨并不会持久。

Left alone, hate does not last.

恨往往是爱的近亲，因为怀恨的人被他所恨的对象深深吸引。恨也可以是一种沟通方法，但它从来都不是一个稳定不变的状态。如果你不去干预的话，它就会自动改变。

Often it is akin to love, for the hater is attracted to the object of his hatred by deep bonds. It can also be a method of communication, but it is never a steady constant state, and will automatically change if not tampered with.

如果你相信恨是错的、是恶的，然后发现自己在恨某人，你可能试图压抑这种情绪，或把它掉过头来对付你自己——对你自己发怒，而不是对别人。另一方面，你可能试图假装这种感觉并不存在，在这种情况下，你就把那洪流般的能量阻积了起来，而不能将之用于其它目的。

If you believe that hate is wrong and evil, and then find yourself hating someone, you may try to inhibit the emotion or turn it against yourself-raging against yourself rather than another. On the other hand you may try to pretend the feeling out of existence, in which case you dam up that massive energy and cannot use it for other purposes.

在自然状态下，憎恨有一种强大的激发特性，可以引发改变与行动。不管别人告诉你什么，憎恨并不会引发强烈的暴力。正如本书先前谈过的，暴力的爆发常是一种内在无力感的结果……那么，不予干涉的话，恨并不会爆发成暴力。恨带来一种力量感，并引发沟通与行动。

In its natural state, hatred has a powerful rousing characteristic that initiates change and action. Regardless of what you have been told, hatred does not initiate strong violence. As covered earlier in this book, the outbreak of violence is often the result of a built-in sense of powerlessness…Hate, left alone then, does not erupt into violence. Hatred brings a sense of power and initiates communication and action.

爱与恨都是基于你经验里的自我认同。你不会费事去爱或恨那些你根本无法认同的人。因为相对而言，他们不会触动你，也不会博得你很深的情感。

Love and hate are both based upon self-identification in your experience. You do not bother to love or hate persons you cannot identify with at all. They leave you relatively untouched. They do not elicit deep emotion.

恨总是涉及了一种与爱分离的痛苦感觉，而那份爱可能被理想化了。在任何时候，你强烈反感的人之所以让你不安，是因为他没有达到你的期望。你的期望值越高，反差看起来就越大。如果你恨父亲或母亲，那恰恰是因为你期待这样的爱。如果你对一个人不抱任何期望，他就永远不会惹起你的痛苦。

Hatred always involves a painful sense of separation from love, which may be idealized. A person you feel strongly against at any given time upsets you because he or she does not live up to your expectations. The higher your expectations the greater any divergence from them seems. If you hate a parent it is precisely because you expect such love. A person from whom you expect nothing will never earn your bitterness.

那么，以一种奇怪的方式，恨是回到爱的一种方法；任其表达的话，恨原本是要传达一种与你的期待相关的分离。

In a strange manner, then, hatred is a means of returning to love; and left alone and expressed it is meant to communicate a separation that exists in relation to what is expected.

因此，爱可以很好地包含恨，恨也可以包含爱，并为爱所驱动，尤其是被一种理想化了的爱。你“恨”那些把你与所爱对象分开的东西。正因为你爱这个对象，所以，如果它没有满足你的期望，你才会如此不喜欢它。你可能爱你的父亲或母亲，但如果他（她）似乎并未回报你的爱，并且否定你的期望，那么你可能会“恨”他（她），因为爱会让你期待更多。恨是为了把你的爱拿回来。它本应引导你传达出一个讯息，声明你的感觉——可以说澄清误会，让你更接近所爱的对象。那么，恨并不是对爱的否定，而是一种想重获爱的企图，它是一种痛苦的认知——你认识到将你与爱分离的境况。

Love, therefore, can contain hate very nicely. Hatred can contain love and be driven by it, particularly by an idealized love. You "hate" something that separates you from a loved object. It is precisely because the object is loved that it is so disliked if expectations are not met. You may love a parent, and if the parent does not seem to return the love and denies your expectations, then you may "hate" the same parent because of the love that leads you to expect more. The hatred is meant to get you your love back. It is supposed to lead to a communication from you, stating your feelings ? clearing the air, so to speak, and bringing you closer to the love object. Hatred is not the denial of love, then, but an attempt to regain it, and a painful recognition of circumstances that separate you from it. 

如果你理解爱的本质，你就能接受恨的感觉。“肯定”可以包括这种强烈情绪的表达。

If you understood the nature of love you would be able to accept feelings of hatred. Affirmation can include the expression of such strong emotions. 

那些告诉你要超越情绪的教条或思想体系可能会误导你——用你们的话说，甚至有点危险。这种理论基于这样一种概念：人的情感本性里有一些天生具有破坏性的、卑鄙或错误的东西，而灵魂永远被描述为平静、“完美”、被动而无情。只有最崇高、喜乐的觉察才是被容许的。然而，最重要的是，灵魂是能量、创造与行动的源泉，恰恰要在生活中通过不断变化的情感来展现其特性。

Dogmas or systems of thought that tell you to rise above your emotions can be misleading — even, in your terms, somewhat dangerous. Such theories are based upon the concept that there is something innately disruptive, base, or wrong in man's emotional nature, while the soul is always depicted as being calm, "perfect," passive and unfeeling. Only the most lofty, blissful awareness is allowed. Yet the soul is above all a fountain of energy, creativity, and action that shows its characteristics in life precisely through the ever-changing emotions.

如果你信任自己的感觉，它们就会引导你进入神秘的领悟、平静安宁的心理及心灵状态。如果你跟随自己的情绪，它们就会引领你达到深刻的理解，但你不可能有一个肉身的自己而没有情绪，正如你不能有一日而没有天气一样。

Trusted, your feelings will lead you to psychological and spiritual states of mystic understanding, calm, and peacefulness. Followed, your emotions will lead you to deep understandings, but you cannot have a physical self without emotions any more than you can have a day without weather.

在个人交往中，你可能很清楚地觉察到对另一个人的持久的爱，同时仍能意识到会有恨他的时刻；当某种分离存在的时候，由于涉及你所知的那份爱，你恨那个分离。

In personal contact, you can be quite aware of an enduring love for another person, and still recognize moments of hatred when separations of a kind exist that you resent because of the love you know involved.

以同样的方式，你可能对人类有博爱之心，但有时却恨他们，恰恰因为他们似乎常常不值得那种爱。当你对人类发怒时，就是因为你爱他们。那么，否定恨的存在就是否定爱。那些情绪并不是对立的，而是不同的面向被不同地体验到。在某种程度上，你想与那些感情很深的人认同。你爱一个人，不会仅仅因为你把自己的一部分与另一个人联系在一起；你常常爱另一个人，因为这个人在你内心唤起你对“理想化的”自己多看几眼。

In the same way, it is possible to love your fellow human beings on a grand scale, while at times hating them precisely because they so often seem to fall short of that love. When you rage against humanity it is because you love it. To deny the existence of hate then is to deny love. It is not that those emotions are opposites. It is that they are different aspects, and experienced differently. To some extent you want to identify with those you feel deeply about. You do not love someone simply because you associate portions of yourself with another. You often do love another individual because such a person evokes within you glimpses of your own "idealized" self.

你爱的人引出你身上最好的部分。在他的眼中，你看到了你可能成为的样子。在对方的爱里，你感觉到自己的潜能。这并不意味着在你所爱的人身上，你只对理想化的自己反应，因为你也能在对方身上看到，你所爱的人潜在的理想化自己。这是一个奇特的愿景，由那些涉身其中的人所共享——不论是妻子和丈夫，还是父母和孩子。从这个愿景完全能发觉实际与理想之间的不同，因此，在爱的上升阶段，实际行为中的差距被忽略了，而且被认为是相对不重要的。

The loved one draws your best from you. In his or her eyes you see what you can be. In the other's love you sense your potential. This does not mean that in a beloved person you react only to your own idealized self, for you are also able to see in the other, the beloved’s potential idealized self. This is a peculiar kind of vision shared by those involved — whether it be wife and husband, or parent and child. This vision is quite able to perceive the difference between the practical and the ideal, so that in ascendant periods of love the discrepancies in, say, actual behavior are overlooked and considered relatively unimportant.

当然，爱总是在变化的。不存在一种永恒的相互深深吸引的状态，让两个人永远投入其中。作为一种情感，爱是流动的，可以很容易地变成愤怒或憎恨，又再回来。

Love is of course always changing. There is no one [permanent] state of deep mutual attraction in which two people are forever involved. As an emotion love is mobile, and can change quite easily to anger or hatred, and back again.

然而，在经验的结构中，爱可以占据主导地位，即使它并非静止不变；如果是这样的话，那么总会有朝向理想的愿景，而由于实景与愿景之间自然产生的差异，也总会有一些烦恼。有些成年人，当他们的孩子说“我恨你”时，就被吓住了。小孩常常很快就学会不要那么诚实，但小孩真正在说的是：“我这么爱你，你为什么对我这么坏？ ”或者，“是什么站在我们和我对你的爱之间？”

Yet, in the fabric of experience, love can be predominant even while it is not static; and if so then there is always a vision toward the ideal, and some annoyance because of the differences that naturally occur between the actualized and the vision. There are adults who quail when one of their children says, “I hate you.” Often children quickly learn not to be so honest. What the child is really saying is，“I love you so. Why are you so mean to me?” Or, “What stands between us and the love for you that I feel?”

孩子的敌意是基于对自己的爱的坚定了解。而被教导相信“恨是错”的父母，却不知如何处理这样的情况。惩罚只会加深孩子的问题。如果父母表现出恐惧，那么孩子就会被有效地教导去害怕这种愤怒与憎恨，因为在它们面前，强大的父母竟然也会畏缩。然后，孩子会习于忘记这种本能的理解，而忽略了恨与爱之间的联系。

The child’s antagonism is based upon a firm understanding of its love. Parents, taught to believe that hatred is wrong, do not know how to handle such a situation. Punishment simply adds to the child’s problem. If a parent shows fear, then the child is effectively taught to be afraid of this anger and hatred before which the powerful parent shrinks. The young one is conditioned then to forget such instinctive understanding, and to ignore the connections between hatred and love.

你常常被教导不只去压制恨在语言上的表达，而且被告知，怨恨的思想就和怨恨的行为一样坏。

Often you are taught not only to repress verbal expression of hate, but also told that hateful thoughts are as bad as hateful actions.

你被制约了，因此即使当你打算去恨一个人的时候，也会感到愧疚。你试图把这种想法藏起来不让自己看到。你也许做得那么成功，以至于在意识层面上真的不知道自己的感觉是什么。那些情感就在那儿，你却看不见，因为你害怕去看。到了那个程度，你就脱离了你自己的实相，与你自己爱的感觉失联了。那些被否定的情绪状态可能会向外投射到他人身上——战争中的一个敌人，或一个邻居。纵使你发现自己在仇恨象征性的敌人，你也会意识到一种很深的吸引力。

You become conditioned so that you feel guilty when you even contemplate hating another. You try to hide such thoughts from yourself. You may succeed so well that you literally do not know what you are feeling on a conscious level. The emotions are there, but they are invisible to you because you are afraid to look. To that extent you are divorced from your own reality and disconnected from your own feelings of love. These denied emotional states may be projected outward upon others —an enemy in a war, a neighbor. Even if you find yourself hating the symbolic enemy, you will also be aware of a deep attraction.

仇恨的纽带将你们连在一起，但这种纽带最初是建立在爱的基础上的。然而，在这种情况下，你加强并夸大了所有那些与理想之间的差距，而把焦点主要集中在上面。在任何一个特定的例子里，你都可以有意识地得到这些。它只需要一种诚实而坚定的努力，去变得觉察你自己的情感与信念。甚至你充满怨恨的幻想，不去管它的话，也将令你重归于好并释放出爱。

A bond of hate will unite you, but the bond was originally based upon love. In this case however you aggravate and exaggerate all those differences from the ideal, and focus upon them predominantly. In any given case all of this is consciously available to you. It requires only an honest and determined attempt to become aware of your own feelings and beliefs. Even your hateful fantasies, left alone, will return you to a reconciliation and release love.

幻想殴打自己的父母或小孩、甚至打到死——这样一个想象如果被坚持完成的话，将会导致爱与理解的眼泪。

A fantasy of beating a parent or a child, even to death, will if followed through lead to tears of love and understanding.

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