害怕自己的人

此段摘自《个人与群体事件的本质》第五章“经验的运作机制”,第八三四节

如果你无法信任私下的自己，那么你就不会信任在人际关系或社会中的自己。

如果你不信任私下的自己，你就会害怕权力，因为你怕你必然会误用它。那么，你可能会故意把自己放在一种软弱的地位，却一直声称你在追求影响力。因为不了解自己，你就会身处窘境，而经验的运作机制就会显得神秘而反复无常。

不过，在某些情况下，那机制是显而易见的，所以让我们来研究一下这类情形。我要讨论的几种情形可能有些夸张，因为在大多数人的生活中那并非“正常”情况。然而，其异乎寻常的特性却会像聚光灯一样，将常常出现在很正常的男人女人生活中的意图、目的和自相矛盾照得一清二楚。

无论出于什么原因，当人们确信自己是不可信赖的或宇宙是不安全的，他们就不会尽情发挥能力来探索物质和精神的环境，反而会开始收缩他们的世界——缩减他们的能力，过度控制他们的环境。他们变成被吓着的人——而被吓着的人并不想要自由，无论是精神上还是物质上的。他们想要庇护，要一套明确的规则。他们想要被告之什么是好什么是坏。他们倾向于强迫性的行为模式。他们寻找领袖为他们规范生活——政治、科学或宗教上的领袖。

那么，在本书的下一部分，我们将讨论害怕自己的人，以及他们在个人与社会行为中寻求扮演的角色。我们将多少论及封闭的环境，精神或物质的环境，在其中质疑变得是一种禁忌，而且是危险的。这种环境也许是私人性的，就像通常所谓精神异常患者的情形，或是被许多人共享的环境，譬如说，在集体的偏执狂里。

有宗教性的狂热派，也有科学性的。有些人追随一种纯粹个人性的狂热派，其中的规章制度就和独裁者颁布给一群受惊追随者的同样严格。上述这种情况的确存在，我希望这样一个讨论会使你们有更深的了解。当然，本书的大部分会致力于介绍那些私下里能鼓励更大生产力与创造力的概念，从而自动有助于促成更健康健全的社会方式。

If you cannot trust your private self, then you will not trust yourself in your relationships with others or in society.

If you do not trust your private self, you will be afraid of power, for you will fear that you are bound to misuse it. You may then purposefully put yourself in a position of weakness, while all of the time claiming that you seek influence. Not understanding yourself, you will be in a quandary, and the mechanics of experience will appear mysterious and capricious.

There are certain situations, however, in which those mechanics can be clearly seen, and so let us examine some such circumstances. A few that I discuss may be exaggerated, in that they are not "normal" conditions in most people's lives. Their rather bizarre nature, however, throws a giant spotlight upon intents, purposes, and cross-purposes, that too often appear in the lives of quite normal men and women.

When people are convinced that the self is untrustworthy, for whatever reasons, or that the universe is not safe, then instead of luxuriating in the use of their abilities, exploring the physical and mental environments, they begin to pull in their realities to contract their abilities, to overcontrol their environments. They become frightened people and frightened people do not want freedom, mental or physical. They want shelter, a definite set of rules. They want to be told what is good and bad. They lean toward compulsive behavior patterns.They seek out leaders ? political, scientific (humorously), or religious? who will order their lives for them.

In the next portion of this book we will discuss people who are frightened of themselves, then, and the roles that they seek in private and social behavior. To some extent we will be discussing closed environments, whether mental or physical, in which questioning becomes taboo and dangerous. Such environments may be private, as in the case of persons with what are generally called mental disorders, or they may be shared by many, in ? for example ? mass paranoia.

There are religious cults, and there are also scientific ones. There are people who follow a cult that is purely private, with rules and regulations as rigorous as any sent down to a group of frightened followers by a despot of whatever kind. Such conditions exist, and I hope that such a discussion will lead to greater understanding. A large portion of this book will be devoted, of course, to the introduction of concepts that will privately encourage greater productivity and creativity, and therefore automatically contribute to more healthy and sane social ways.

——摘自《个人与群体事件的本质》（The Individual and the Nature of Mass Events）Laujenny 校译

《赛斯说●第六十六期》

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